


Different From All The Rest

by Cry3TearsLikeJ3T



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24720547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cry3TearsLikeJ3T/pseuds/Cry3TearsLikeJ3T
Summary: Allen has always been self conscious of his left eye, it's not normal and it's ugly to him so he hides it under a contact. But what happens when a passionate night with his boyfriend leads him into a corner where he's exposed and forced to confront his greatest fear. Letting the most precious person to him see what's underneath.
Relationships: Lavi/Allen Walker
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	Different From All The Rest

It was late in the morning and the room was cold, far too cold to get up and move around in. It was January and so that was to be expected but who ever got used to it? Allen Walker certainly didn’t.   
The bed he laid in was warm and so he had no real reason to get up. He had no plans until the evening anyway, plans to meet up with Lavi, who had recently stepped into the romance zone with Allen two months prior.  
When Allen thought of Lavi, his heart began to race a little faster, his chest felt warm and he couldn’t stop smiling. He’d had the longest and deepest crush on the older boy ever since they first met by chance on their college campus over one year ago. To think that if Lavi hadn’t taken a few years off before going to college, Allen never would’ve met his soulmate. It was an unbearable thought but now they had graduated and were getting by on their own, their feelings eventually spilling out one fateful night while Allen was helping Lavi move into his own place. It almost didn’t feel real but why complain or doubt it when it was so very wonderful to get to hold each other and share the most intimate things with one another without worrying about crossing the line or exposing their secret?

The longer Allen thought about Lavi, the happier and warmer he felt…that is until he had a sudden realisation. His bed was warm, much warmer than usual and he never heard his phone go off from the usual wakeup call from Lenalee, who always insisted on checking in on him now that he was on his own and not just a room away like in college. 

Something wasn’t right at all and once he’d realised this, it all came crashing down upon him and suddenly, Allen was wide awake as he shot up, the cold air hitting his bare chest as he looked beside him and saw the problem. Lavi. Lavi was here. Lavi was here and in his bed. This was not right and not good at all.

Now that the problem was exposed, Allen’s mind and body snapped into action and his hand flew to his left eye. His cursed eye that he swore to hide from the world, everybody in it and especially Lavi.   
Allen’s breathing began to quicken, and his chest tightened. How had he let this happen? How could he have been so irresponsible? Well, he actually knew the answer to this. The answer was once again, Lavi. 

The two had the weekend free and so they’d made plans for both days and the day before was Lavi’s choice. He chose to take Allen out to the ice rink, mostly so he could laugh as the younger fell over countless times and so he could hold his hand as he helped to keep his balance. They’d had a wonderful time together and had ended up coming back to Allen’s place since it was the closest to escape from the cold in. It was then once they were settled in side by side on the sofa that things became much more intimate and heated. Allen didn’t regret the night they’d shared together, not at all, in fact, they’d done this kind of thing countless times at one another’s homes over the two months, but this was different. The night never carried over into the morning.

The only reason for this was because Allen was incredibly insecure about his left eye. It wasn’t normal, far from it, it was blacker and darker than the shadows in his worst nightmares and the red resembled the blood from his tormented memories. This eye had brought him so much isolation and pain in his younger and early teen years, not even the contact he wore was enough to make him feel normal or wanted. It was the reason he always had to leave his beloved on those nights he wanted to stay the most and the reason he had to send him away on those other lonely nights where he needed the comfort more than ever. 

He just simply couldn’t let Lavi see his eye and so it seemed to have become a general rule that neither would stay the night because Allen couldn’t risk Lavi waking up before he had the chance to put that forsaken contact back in. What would he even see when he looked at Allen? A monster just like everyone else did? A demon? A freak? 

The more his thoughts raced with questions, the less time he had to search for that contact, which he must’ve taken off at some point in the night or early morning out of pure instinct. However, Allen was frozen in his state of shock and fear and he couldn’t will himself to move as his chest heaved and his hand shook. _Just move, just get the contact and fix this before you regret it._

Unfortunately for Allen, he wasn’t good enough to convince his body to move before he heard movement beside him. It was all over now.

“Al?” Lavi’s tired voice managed to get out as he seemed to search for him blindly.

Allen had wanted to respond and reassure Lavi that everything was fine, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t get a word out in between his now heavy breaths. This of course alerted his boyfriend, who then shifted around until he was sat up beside Allen, a look of worry on his face.

“Hey is everything ok? Was it another dream?” Lavi questioned, seemingly analysing the white-haired boy to see if it was ok to touch him or not.

“It-it’s fine,” Allen finally managed to force out, but there was little point now, he’d been caught.

“It doesn’t look fine to me, is it your eye? I heard you get up last night, was it keeping you awake or something?” Lavi pressed gently, his hand now resting on lightly on Allen’s shoulder.

The touch was enough to loosen the tightness in Allen’s chest and even his breaths out just like always. Allen had hoped that with his panic being subdued for the most part, he’d be able to talk his way of this one, but he also knew that it would be tough and unlikely. This was a make or break moment and Allen felt as though that the glass was definitely going to break.

“I…I don’t want you to look,” Allen said quietly after a brief moment of silence.

“At your eye?” Lavi asked, obviously confused but seemingly less worried now that Allen had calmed down. 

Then when Allen nodded in response, Lavi seemed to nod to himself, like he was confirming the situation and how to proceed.

“Was I right then? Did you hurt it or something in your sleep?” Lavi continued.

“No, it’s just always been like this and you weren’t supposed to ever see it, or at least not now, I’m not ready to lose you yet,” Allen replied, and Lavi raised an eyebrow

“You’re not making a lot of sense but I’m not going anywhere Al, not now, not ever and definitely not over your eye for whatever reason you’re hiding it,” Lavi reassured Allen, but all that did was make the younger one smile sadly.

“You would say that, wouldn’t you? It’s why I love you so much, you don’t just run away but it’s ok if you do this time, I won’t blame you, I’ve been waiting for this I think,” Allen responded, and that’s when Lavi’s hand fell as he frowned and fell silent.

It was quiet in the bedroom for a few minutes as Allen sat waiting for it all to crumble underneath him the moment Lavi would inevitably ask to see the eye and then leave.

“I’m sorry Allen, I didn’t mean to upset you, I broke the rules and now you’re upset,” Lavi said, and Allen’s eyes widened in surprise. He wasn’t expecting that.

“What?” Allen questioned; his hand almost wavering as he turned to look at the regret in that beautiful emerald eye.

“I broke that unspoken rule about not staying over the night, I broke past the boundaries you set and now you’re upset and uncomfortable,” Lavi replied, his head hanging low.

“Lavi you didn’t do anything, it’s my-”

“It’s ok Allen, I get it, it’s probably red or something because I made you cry, didn’t I? Jesus am I an idiot, I never wanted to be one who made you cry Al, I’m so sorry,” Lavi continued, and Allen felt a bit of panic and confusion building up, he couldn’t believe it, Lavi had completely misread the situation in the worst way possible and he wasn’t sure how.

“That’s not it, I just-”

“Don’t make excuses for me, this is my fault, I need to own up to my mistakes so we can move forward again and so I totally understand if you need space and want me to go,” Lavi rambled on, turning his head towards the door and Allen was definitely panicking now, this was going downhill far too fast.

He knew he had to act fast before he lost Lavi or dented their perfect little world and connection. There was only one thing _to_ do in this situation as Lavi seemed to prepare himself to leave.

“I’ll get out of-” Lavi was then silenced by Allen grabbing his face with both hands and kissing him with all he had.

It didn’t take long for Lavi to melt into it as he brought his own hands up to Allen’s face, tangling his fingers in the loose strands of snow-white hair that hung over his face. It was passionate as always and left the two never wanting to let go, but this time it was cut short as Allen began to cry, his tears rolling down onto Lavi’s hands. This of course broke the intimacy as Lavi pulled away to look at Allen as the tears came pouring down.

It was all out once Allen opened his eyes and he waited for Lavi to go running. However, that moment never came as Lavi simply sat and stared with a look that almost resembled awe, his hands never moving no matter how many silent tears stained them.

“Al, is this what you were hiding from me?” Lavi questioned once he’d clearly digested this new information sufficiently, even if the answer was obvious.   
Allen only nodded, looking down to avoid that intense stare coming from his whole world. It wasn’t how Allen thought it would happen at all, he had expected him to stay and yell or to leave without words. Not _this_. This dreadful quiet that made him feel more and more ashamed for all his lies and his very existence.

“I never knew you were hiding this from me, I feel like an idiot for not noticing,” Lavi said, and Allen sighed.

“Why would you? Who would even begin to think that their partner is hiding something so disgusting and ugly under-”

“It’s not ugly.” 

Now Allen’s eyes snapped up to look at the intense but truthful expression on Lavi’s face, his gaze never wavering and his grip just as firm as before.

“What?” Allen asked, his voice unsteady.

“I said it’s not ugly Allen, your eye is beautiful, I’m almost offended you kept this from me,” Lavi responded, laughing ever so slightly at the end as he smiled that gorgeous smile of his that always lifted Allen’s spirits.

However in that moment, it had to opposite effect on Allen. He felt almost angry and upset that Lavi was taking this so well and had said such a thing. It made him so frustrated that he pulled away and out of Lavi’s grasp.

“No, you don’t mean that, _why_ would you mean that?” Allen rushed out, unable to contain his emotions.

“I do, I think your eye is beautiful, so I said it, I don’t think anybody’s ever seen anything like it before, which makes it unique,” Lavi explained with a shrug, but Allen shook his head.

“Unique doesn’t mean beautiful, this thing is a curse and it’s ugly, I hate it,” Allen countered, and Lavi frowned once more.

“Who put that in your head? I can’t see anything ugly about it.” Allen would’ve laughed if the situation wasn’t so tense.

“ _Everyone_ told me that, they told me I was a freak and that I was ugly, my own uncle told me I’d be better off hiding it.”

“I thought you hated Cross? Why would you listen to him?”

“I do hate him, he made my life hell but that doesn’t change that the world told me to hide away and when I did, they turned away all the same, nobody cared about Allen Walker unless he was the freak they wanted to put down,” Allen argued, and then the room fell silent again as he began to sob.

Allen didn’t cry often but when he did, Lavi was always there to pick him up, even when he didn’t know it was because of this dreaded eye of his. It was one of those times that Lavi told Allen that his tears reminded him of the snow and rain. He said that when his tears were gentle, they looked like snowfall in between his pure white locks, they were silent, beautiful and crammed with emotion. However when he sobbed like this, he was like the rain, pouring down and hitting the ground with all the pain and suffering he carried in his heart.

Allen had thought he was just spouting out poetic nonsense to distract him from his problems because he never said it again and so he too had forgotten, but now it was all coming back, and it only made him cry harder. How could somebody see so much beauty in all the ugly that Allen saw in himself? 

Getting so lost in his mind and emotions, Allen didn’t notice Lavi leaning over and wrapping him up in his arms, pulling him as close as he could manage and resting his head on top of Allen’s. 

“It’s ok, the rain will pass, it always does,” Lavi practically whispered as he brought one arm up so he could stroke Allen’s soft, messy hair.

The younger boy couldn’t help but continue to cry into his lover’s chest, his shaking hands now wrapped around Lavi’s neck. 

“Y’know? The people who call others freaks often end up being the monsters, they’re just too busy stepping on the good people to realise it, I don’t think they’ll even know what they are unless all the good people are gone, when they’re forced to look at themselves…I think it’s sad but it just makes the freaks all the more beautiful and unique for daring to look at themselves first,” Lavi said as Allen’s tears finally dried.

“Do you really think it’s beautiful?” Allen asked, still not daring to look up just yet.

“I do, I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful and divine thing that I’d ever set my eye on, your left eye just makes you even more so, I mean just look at it, it’s blacker than the most star filled sky and redder than the most perfect rose, what _isn’t_ there to love?” 

This was what made Allen pull away just enough to sit up and look at Lavi, who never let go for a second, only adjusting his one hand from Allen’s head to his back.

“I think that part of me wants to say you’re lying but I don’t think I can, you’ve never lied to me and while I don’t think I’ll ever see myself the way you do, I can learn to at least accept myself from today onwards, I have to, I refuse to be stepped on,” Allen said, a smile and a new determination and passion in his eyes.

“I know and besides, I wouldn’t let it happen anyway,” Lavi responded, a smile of his own appearing.

They then sat in each other’s arms for a few more peaceful moments, just letting everything sink in until Lavi finally spoke up.

“It’s really cold in here.” And Allen laughed as he nodded.

“It is, we should probably cover up or something,” Allen said, and Lavi didn’t waste another moment before pulling the down back down and under the covers once more.

Allen then tucked himself in against Lavi once more and sighed, this felt good.

“Hey, Lenalee didn’t call, I wonder if something happened,” Allen then said, mostly thinking aloud as he collected his thoughts.

“Who knows, maybe she just had a feeling that she didn’t need to check in today,” Lavi replied as he rested his head properly on top of Allen’s soft head once more.

“Maybe,” Allen murmured, his eyes now suddenly becoming heavy after everything that had happened.

“Allen, I want you to know that I think you’re different not just because of your eye but because you glow brighter than the rest of us, you’re such an intense light,” Lavi confessed, and Allen just managed a nod before his eyelids closed shut to rest again.

“Please, don’t burn out.”


End file.
